You’ve heard the term fight/flight response. Maybe you remember a story about a saber tooth tiger and that this is how humans evolved to handle such a ferocious creature. It’s also how we evolved to interact with the other humans that were encountered too.

‘Wait, wasn’t there another response also??’

Freeze.

‘What’s that one all about?’

And have you heard of fawning?

Our nervous system is complex and our reactions to stressful situations are complex too. And though we have evolved, our ancient survival responses have not.

Fast forward to the present day. When we’re stressed our nervous system can’t differentiate between physical, psychological, real or perceived stressors. All stressors can activate your sympathetic nervous system (aka fight/flight). This means that your survival responses will be activated during physical stress (e.g. a hard workout, physical pain), psychological stress (e.g. an overwhelming task list, worrying about a loved one), real stress (something happening to you right now in this moment), and perceived stress (something not currently happening, such as worrying about a meeting with your boss in two days, or feeling agitated once you get to work because traffic was bad. It is in the past or future. Perceived stress doesn’t make it fake.)

Let’s take a look at the different responses and unpack what’s going on.

The Fight Club

Are you part of the fight club? This stress response looks like irritability, anger, and even aggression. You may feel the urge to move towards the event or stressor, regardless of danger or possible harm. You want to fight back or take action. You may position your body in a dominating way. You may feel your hands clench, your jaw tighten, your lips purse, you may raise your voice, feel your stomach tighten. Though you may not physically fight back, you may use any means necessary to get your point across. You may lash out at people, even people you love. You may throw things, damage property. Essentially your body is telling you that if you maintain power over the threat or stressor, you will gain control.

This response is ultimately about defense. When we can tap into this energy in a healthy way, it allows us to create boundaries, assert ourselves positively, and feel strong. When taken to its limits, it can be dangerous not only for others, but also for ourselves.

What to do if you struggle with intense fight energy (you get angry frequently, you snap easily, you feel grouchy often):

Make a regular practice of breathing that focuses on elongated exhalations and slowing down
Move your body to move the energy- this might look like running, hiking, rebounding on a trampoline, or even working with a punching bag. Let the energy flow out.
Follow up your big bold exercises with slow calming movements like yoga, qi gong, or tai chi. Or run a bath. The important part here is that you continue to practice returning to a state of calm and ease.
If you feel your anger rising, remove yourself from the vicinity of others. Go in the bathroom and close the door, grab a hand towel and twist it up as you let the aggression move through you. Wait until you feel yourself begin to calm again before reengaging.

What to do if you’re fight energy is suppressed (you never get mad, you don’t know how to raise your voice, you tend to shut down during arguments and your boundaries are unclear):

Practice making noise, yell into a pillow, scream at the ocean, even speaking up when you don’t normally will help strengthen this survival response.
Try stirring up your energy- kickboxing, HIIT, jumping jacks. Things that get your energy moving.
Practice clenching your hands and face, baring your teeth and growling. It feels strange at first but there may be some deep seated fight survival energy that needs to move through you. Let it out slowly and with intention.
Above all, go slow! Use tiny amounts of activation followed by lots of rest and connection to people and places that make you feel safe.

The Flight Stress Response

Are you a runner? Not the kind that goes for a 5km jog twice a week, but the kind that makes tracks and disappears when things get tough? This stress response can look like, averted eyes, looking for and/or staying near exits, avoidant behaviour. You may respond to questions with short one word answers. You might flee from social interactions. You may leave a conversation to avoid conflict. You may end relationships before you get hurt.

This response is about staying away from danger and conflict. When this response shows up in a healthy way you can discriminate well in high-stress situations and disengage quickly with people and places without second guessing yourself.

If you frequently experience the Flight Stress Response, characterized by a strong urge to escape when faced with stress or danger, there are some things you can do to help manage it:

Regularly tune into your body. In particular, pay attention to your feet and press down into the ground regularly. Think of what it means and feels like to stand your ground.
Practice tensing and relaxing your muscles. You can scan your body and actively move through your muscle groups tensing and then consciously relaxing them.
Bring an anchor with you. A stone, a small meaningful object, a mala. Something that can help you connect to feelings of safety and presence.
Practice orienting to your surroundings through your senses. Tune in though your eyes, ears, nose, kinesthetically and even through your mouth. A glass of water, or a crunchy snack. Petting an animal.
Make connections. Talking to people will help release feel-good hormones like serotonin to help you relax and want to repeat engagement.
Remember to practice these skills at times of ease to help resource yourself in times of stress

What to do if you have a hard time removing yourself from stressful situations:

Practice saying no more often. No is a complete sentence and doesn’t require you to justify it. Start with places where it feels safe to say no without fearing negative consequences. As you flex your boundary muscle it will gradually become easier.
Practice big muscle movements. Exercises like squats and lunges help strengthen our bigger muscles that are required for flight energy. Tuning into these bigger, bolder moves, can help you feel stronger and more capable of mobilizing should you need to.
Try placing constraints at the beginning of your interactions so the expectations are clear before you start. “I have 5 minutes to talk and then I need to go”. “I have time from 1-3. The rest of my day is full.”
Stick to what you said. Notice when you abandon yourself for someone else’s needs or desires (more on this later).

The Freeze Stress Response

This stress response often gets lumped into the fight/flight conversation, however from a physiological standpoint something very different is happening in the body. During a fight or flight response the sympathetic nervous system is activated and responsible for physiological changes in the body’s systems. During the freeze response, both the sympathetic and parasympathetic (or sometimes referred to as rest and digest) responses are activated. Freezing has all the activation of the sympathetic response for vigilance and hyper arousal, however the parasympathetic nervous system is also activated like a brake to produce deceleration of the heart rate, reduce vocalization and produce immobilization. It is best compared to animals in the wild playing dead when under threat from prey. In a healthy activation of the freeze response in humans, it will help us to slow down and evaluate a situation before reacting.

If you become stuck in the freeze response it can look like a loss for words, dissociating or tuning out, feeling in a fog, feeling like you aren’t real, or you don’t exist. You may sleep a lot, space out, lack emotion or even physical sensation. You may feel depressed and retreat inside your mind for safety and emotional security.

If you tend to experience the Freeze Stress Response, which can manifest as feelings of numbness or disconnection from your surroundings, here are some things you can do to help manage it:

Practice regularly doing grounding exercises. For example, look for 5 blue items in the room you’re in. Notice each one and your relationship to it. How far away is it? Do you like looking at it? Etc.
Move your breath and your body. The rescue breath, (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7 counts, exhale for 8 counts) can be very powerful for creating attention and flow to bring you back to the present moment. Also, swaying, swinging, or shaking parts of your body can help bring blood flow, and connect you to your own physicality.
Spend time outside with people who care about you. Double dip on the benefits of being in nature by bringing someone close to you along for a walk, hike or bike ride. The healing effects of both these actions have shown to profoundly reduce depression and help in stress resiliency. We love to combine them for maximum efficacy!

If it’s hard for you to stop and pause: Use the acronym STOP and practice regularly.

Stop what you are doing or take a pause.
Take a breath, or two or ten, as many as you need.
Observe your body, your thoughts, your feelings, your physical sensations, your surroundings.
Proceed with more awareness.

Peace Keepers or People Pleasers: The Fawn Stress Response

The fawn response to stress is not talked about as commonly, but it is all too common! This stress response is a pattern that presents when fight/flight/freeze are unsuccessful. It is most common as a tool of survival when there is no escaping the circumstances. It is commonly applied with children who grew up in a household with abusive or narcissistic parents. It is the body’s natural reaction to trying to please the people who are harming you as a way to remain safe.

This response is ultimately about pleasing others and trying to keep the peace in order to mitigate personal stress. You may feel the need to diminish your own feelings and experience. You may feel the need to soothe others, even when they treat you poorly. You may find yourself doing anything and everything to avoid conflict, smooth over situations and gain approval. Fawning involves reading the social and emotional cues of others and prioritizing their needs above your own. It may also include numbing, disconnection from the self- both in body and mind, as well as, codependency tendencies, and lack of confidence. You may find yourself easily manipulated and vulnerable to the thoughts and opinions of others. You may rely on others' opinions and lack your own. Because this is often a last resort when fight and flight responses were unavailable as a child, the energy of blocking those sensations can in-turn become self directed and internal, leading to self-criticism, self-loathing, and self-harming. These patterns can repeat into adulthood and become habitual.

If you’re a fawn stress response and you struggle with abandoning yourself to keep others content, here are some things you can fo:

Above all, be compassionate with yourself. This response is habitual and therefore takes time to heal from.
Observe when you are participating in people-pleasing or co-dependent behaviour (this may not happen in the moment but upon self-reflection). With self-awareness you can start to take steps towards creating change.
Start to listen for the cues your body is giving you and follow them. Because the fawn response interrupts our ability to follow our impulse, gently reengaging with this can help to build resiliency. Start with simple cues. Are you hungry? Are you tired? Build towards listening for what your body wants you to know and then responding.
Do some journaling. Learning to hear your own voice and wisdom is tantamount to discernment. You can start by writing out things that you love and are grateful for. Then write out things that you don’t enjoy and that you maybe do out of obligation. Where do you see room to say no? Or to speak up for yourself?

In conclusion

You may find yourself identifying more consistently with one or two of these stress responses, however it’s important to remember that, depending on the circumstances and your perceived consequences you may lean towards one response over another.

The starting point for any healing of stress is in awareness. As you build your awareness you can start to implement embodied practices to help change your physiology. Remember self-compassion is key and you aren’t meant to heal alone.

For more support, come join us in RECALIBRATE: 6 Week Nervous System Restoration Course. Learn to understand your nervous system deeper and build your path to whole system health.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn: What are the Four Types of Stress Responses?